Inside Voices

For the low price of $75 a head, we were given a ticket to “SHIT SHOW!” by, American Airlines.

I needed to GTFO out of Corpus ASAP.  2 hours sooner was available, for a fee….sure..whatever…did you not see the ASAP?!?

Loaded in the little rocket bound for a city you CAN see on a map, we were on our way; And this is where it gets good.  For the connection, we are on standby (not sure what the fee was for,  It’s not like it costs all that much to print another ticket with the new details.) Having never done anything but a guaranteed seat, I learned a lot about the standby puzzle.

You don’t have a seat until every one is on board.

You can’t get on board until the crew is on board

The crew cannot get on board unless they are actually there.

So we wait.  The other plane landed, the crew arrived (well most of them), plan was loaded, head count taken, standbys assigned, all is seated and we wait.  Seems all the ASSIGNED crew members were needed; and they wouldn’t allow us to take off with the “band aid” they used for boarding.

We waited and waited and waited.  Then a disheveled lady hurries aboard, dumps her shit in a cubby and picks up where the other left off in the safety demonstration.  Seated in an exit row, we needed to agree to perform all the action required to get out of the plane first.  She explained that a verbal confirmation was required from each of us.  It was so important that she woke up my neighbor for his “i do’s”

After she turned around I whispered to my other neighbor, that I’d like a little verbal confirmation myself “oversleep?”.  Mid giggle, beefcake’s eyes got super wide and he mumbled  ” I think she heard you….”