I….LOVE….TOY BLAST!

Hubs and I had the funniest and feistiest exchanges we have had in a while, on our way to a friend’s party. It is important for you to imagine us on a sunny day, in a great mood and laughing during the entire conversation….cause that is exactly how this went down.

He let me know that he saw that I spent $11 on iTunes; and wondered if it was for the same game I have been playing a lot lately. WTF does it matter? He had asked me this once before, when he saw the charge. I explained it then…..nothing has changed….so why the third degree? (do you like how one question becomes an interrogation in my mind?) I wanted him to be very specific as to why he needs me to explain this all over again. How did I not answer his questions the first time? And most importantly, what is the true root of his concern? (Not that it mattered; psych is not included in his Obama Welfare) It was like he was trying to determine the education factor in the game to warrant this budget item.

FINE! I get 5 lives every now and again and I use them to pass the levels. If I get stuck, and remain that way for 6 days, then I will buy a few tools to make it through to the next. And for no additional charge, I am rewarded with 2 hours of unlimited lives to help me get through the tougher levels ahead. All seems worth it to me. Unless, of course you are my husband. In that case, I guess you have to get approval to make in-ap purchases.

I further defended my addiction by letting him know that SOMETIMES I get bonuses and get hours of play for FREE! Most likely that is because they are smarter than me and make me feel successful to encourage more charges…..but still
He thought this was HYSTERICAL. Were they getting harder? Is that why I needed help? YES THEY ARE GETTING HARDER!! For example, the current level only gives me 40 moves to collect 40 yellow squares, 40 green squares and make the little toasters pop 40 slices of toast. Okay….it sounds stupid trying to explain it; and currently, I have been stuck here for 3 days.

I wondered what the difference was between him pledging money to some starving artists and me buying a drill, train and vacuum. He explained that there was no difference….however…he does sell stuff on ebay for that money.

Oh yeah? Well I make more than you do!
Yep! I went there. Didn’t want to but I felt that I was being forced to defend my game.

To which he replied. True…..but it took you 9 years.

Asshole!HAHAHAHA kidding….I love him.

Incomplete Coverage

As many of you know, we experienced a complete solar eclipse for the first time in like 100 years. MILLIONS of people converged on a tiny town in Oregon to experience the once in a lifetime moment; while all the smart people, stayed put and caught a multitude of different views from their driveways.

The wizards that make Donut Monday happen, gave me a pair of glasses so I was all set when I arrived at work. It was cool…but I was over it quickly and hoped everyone got back to work soon and stop talking about it.

Turns out AMA was bit by the eclipse bug…I had no idea. For her birthaversary, Papa made a bunch of brownie points for buying her an onyx and diamond pendant of the eclipse. It was even engraved with the date and location on the back. She was thrilled!

When I delivered flowers, Ama was showing off her new bling. This sparked a bit of conversation about the event, who saw what, where and were we impressed or not. Dad shared that he stood at the end of the drive way and watched it happen through a welding mask.

To which I replied….”Ya I know. I saw it on Facebook…with your fly open.”

The post has since been reviewed and taken down.

FOX news missed out

When I was a freshman, I was diagnosed with Mono and spent a month in bed. Unfortunately, it was first mis-diagnosed as tonsillitis; so, by the time the correct diagnosis came my tonsils had swollen to the size golf balls. I was in an unbelievable amount of discomfort especially when I tried to swallow… DUH!

I would try to drop Jello, ice cream and yogurt from the highest point my arm would reach; in the hopes of creating maximum momentum to slide down my throat. Kinda like tossing popcorn in the air and catching it….only rather than just it just bouncing off your nose and cheek when you missed, it spattered on your forehead, your pillow or anything else in the way of gravity.

One night I was getting ice cubes for my water when something huge rolled out of the freezer. I caught it before it hit my face or the floor. A voice from the dinner table said “starving mono patient tries to eat frozen chicken.” It was perfectly timed, from a future comedy star and so damn funny; making it a long time family joke.

Fast forward to this summer, when the PNW experienced heat conditions similar to the atmosphere of the sun. It was no joke. Us natives were D-Y-I-N-G! And fatties had it the worst.

With the promise of AC, I reluctantly left my fan filled apartment and made my way to Sunday dinner. It was too hot for jewelry so I wore a single item of clothing. Unfortunately, even that was too much. I found myself making trips to the basement to find some cooler air. No such luck.

I stepped tried the garage because it was under ground level, concrete floor and nothing but shade. No such luck.

I made my way to Ama’s storage freezer and tried to stick my head down as far as I could. SO CLOSE! Relief was just a few inches away. I moved some large items out of the way, lifted my boobs over the freezer wall and almost hung upside down. It felt so good…unfortunately vast amounts of blood was rushing to my head. I climbed back out and decided it was time to head upstairs. Putting the larger items back where they were (so the lid would shut), I noticed one of them was a bag of large chicken breast. Hmmmmm

I leaned my head to the left and placed the cold back of heaven on my shoulder. OMG!

I leaned my head to the right and placed the cold bag of heaven on my other shoulder. AMAZING!

I leaned my head forward and placed the cold bag of heaven on my neck. BEST EVER!

Finally, I just placed the entire kit and caboodle on my head. Stood there enjoying the relief.

And thought to myself…Heather Loomis would LOVE this. Headline reads ….. angry menopausal woman breaks chicken defrosting record.

You’re outta here….and You’re outta here….

While at Sunday dinner there was talk of spending turkey day, somewhere other than Casa Rents. I shared a great time we had on Anderson Island, and headed to moms desk top, for some examples to send to the committee.

I logged mom out of Facebook so I could send the link to both her and the other decision maker from mine. After sending the link, I scrolled through the lies on my news feed, I went back upstairs to my glass of wine.

This morning I got a text from mom asking me to give her a call. A) it was just after 8 am …and she is NEVER up this early. B) an 8 am request for a call home instantly becomes an emergency.

Turns out a very sleepy AMA was confused when she was looking at “her” timeline. She didn’t know these people. So, since it is ‘like mother like daughter’, she went right to work blocking all the strangers. Before she noticed that the profile picture was NOT of her…I may have lost some friends.

So if anyone has noticed that I am not commenting on your shit….let me know so I can put you back on my page.

FOUR!

Hubz and I started playing Golf a while back. Though we are no good at it, it is something we like to do together. Picture it…the two of us with road sodas in a golf cart…. UNSUPERVISED! hahaha

We’ve met lots of people. Some are there for the course and some are there cause the drinks are cheap. We happen to be a fan of both and some super fun times always happen when we find people brave enough to take us on.

Last week, we met up with a couple for a quick 9 hole game followed by happy hour. It was such a fun game. So many great shots and even more laughter. When we parted ways, the arrangements were that we would connect for a re-match. To my surprise, a week after we last saw them, the plans changed. Seems that though they enjoyed their time with us, they are having second thoughts about another game. Turns out we are not a match skill set wise. Apparently, golf is all they are interested in.

No offer for another game
No offer for meeting up for different/new activity
No mention of ever seeing us again PERIOD

It terrifies me to think that I could have missed out on meeting my husband, if I hid behind this way of thinking. Differences are what makes us unique and worth getting to know. Hubz and I had not one thing in common. Not a hobby, band, book or ANY interests for that matter. He wasn’t anywhere close to the typical boys I had dated. He was a band geek, musician with a squeaky-clean past. I was a hip hop following, bar fly, middle child – with an agenda of my own.

While I agree it wasn’t the best game I have ever played (mainly because one of us forgot to bring clubs) it was a lot of fun to hang out and make new friends. I guess I should feel lucky that it was killed quickly. I have so many flaws, friendship would never reach lift off with people so shallow. Fuck Golf!

You’ve Got Mail!

I got a card from my sister today. She thought of me when she saw a scratch ticket and sent me an update from the 406.

I grabbed my phone to text her that when I opened the card, Hubz gasped “Shit! That’s a lot of words!”…and was instantly appalled that my first instinct was the phone. She took the time to hand-write a note about her day; and I was going to sum it up blip of data, not worthy of being deducted from my monthly allowance.

After that momentary lapse in judgment, I thought to text her the Hubz comment and let her know I would write more later. Why do that? I know myself well enough to know that the minute I say I am going to do something….it is almost immediately crossed off my mental TO-DO list.

I needed to find a card…..I have none so it would be something I would need to pick up during lunch next week. Not a great plan as I have allow myself to run out of TP cause it is something I have to pick up during lunch. Just as suspected, I have been out three times in the last two days (one stop being a place perfect for card selecting) no card. Nor face wipes, which as of this post…I have been out for three days. Thankfully Ama keeps all the toiletries from her hotel travels…and some offer makeup removers 

So it’s been about four days. I still have no card (or TP) and no text. She has no idea if the card made it! I am the worst sister ever. Wait! She reads the blog. Thanks Netty 🙂 I will write soon….if I don’t hit the jackpot on this scratcher.

Dude! Where’s my burger?

Last weekend we met some friends in Fremont for a sushi and bar hopping date night. Knowing them, this was going to be a great night.

We started in a heavy metal bar, with a rainforest type private room. Very weird! Had some drinks and we were off to find this sushi place that had hit the radar recently. Mmmmmm so good! I would love to give them a plug here….but I completely spaced the name.

Had some drinks and a bunch of deliciousness in the ol’ belly; and we were off to see what other trouble we could find for ourselves.

For our last stop we found a whiskey bar that was exactly what we were looking for. Private Booth, servers who know their shit and the tease of them being able to marry us, should we start feeling frisky.

We were there for a few rounds and a TON of laughing. It must have been quite a show for the rest of the place. There have only been a handful of times when I am so caught up in the fun that is happening at my table, that I don’t see another person in the room. Yep….it was one of those nights.

OMG! So fun so fun so fun. We hugged and kissed good bye and went our separate ways. Giggling all the way to the car about how much fun that was. Are you picking up that it was fun yet? Haha

Shortly after I started our drive home, Hubz announces that he is going to need something to eat…STAT! Now that he was sitting in the car, the magnitude of the situation hit him! He was D-R-U-N-K! He is so damn cute when he’s drunk. I never get to see it cause my head is always the one in the toilet 🙂

We stop by Dick Drive in. Iconic, Cheap and OPEN! I ordered 4 hamburgers and a large sprite. Hubby opens and hands me one of my burgers, all wrapped on the bottom so it won’t make a mess; and proceeds to go to town on his own meal. I was only able to get through half, before you get to the part of the burger where you have to flip it over to eat the other half. Too messy plus I was driving. I handed it over to Hubz. Being he was about to pass the fuck out, he asked me what I wanted him to do with it? I told him to just eat it; that I would eat the other one when we got home.

What other one? I ate them all.

(don’t worry I got him back by filming him trying to make it up the stairs at home and sending it to his siblings)

Best part about it? When he was complaining about not feeling great the next morning and he says “I was burping Dicks all night.”

Yeah…that’s what she said!