We are about to get personal

In 2004 my older sister got married in the hottest month on record. My younger sister was about to pop with the family’s first grandchild and I was growing a little one of my own. Out of nowhere, I grew a pencil eraser sized cyst on my pubic mound. It was hideous; and so large that I told my sister I was going to change my RSVP to two.

When I sat down I had to make sure my legs were spread apart enough to allow enough room that my thighs wouldn’t squeeze my new friend. Cause if they did….omg the pain.

I went to my OBGYN. Where else would you go when the cause of the issue is in the va-jim-jam region?

The med school drop out that I saw, thought it would be better to treat the problem from the inside. She gave me a script for antibiotics to clear the infection from the bottom; hopefully causing the swelling to “deflate”…if you will. Then it would reveal if it was an ingrown hair or just a clogged pore; and we could treat it from there.

The antibiotics she gave not only gave me a RAGING yeast infection; I was also warned that it would render my birth control useless. Hottest month of the year and my crotch is on fire from not only the lack of Monistat…but a reaction to latex; All dressed up like someone who missed their senior prom , trying to recreate the moment.

Why am I telling you this deep and personal shit? Because this morning I woke up and his little sister popped up, in the crease where the leg attaches to the nether region. Yep….same place as the seem of my panties. I walk like my asshole is on fire. FML

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