Match dot not for me

I would make a horrible on line dater.  How do I know this?  I base this on all the bullshit and poor decisions in my previous life.

There was no website you could go to and peruse the faces of those who might meet your criteria; assuming they were honest in their profile.  We were in the night club.  Spending THOUSANDS for the chance to run into Mr. Right.  Your 20’s are supposed to be used to get all of the wiggles out of your system sexy system.  From one night stands to poor alcohol driven decisions.  Fake phone numbers, being stood up and doing a little ghosting myself.  While most of it at least entertaining, it can leave a person feeling less than trusting.

Here are some examples of the confidence busters from my past:

Bachelor #1 tried to convince me that a super long blow job was how his piece on the side got knocked up.

Being dumped via the outgoing message on an answering machine.  Notice how I didn’t say voice mail.  Yeah…it was that long ago!

Bachelor #2 told me that he needed to end the engagement and move out; because he never learned to read.  And the only place he could find to live was with the sister of a co-worker.  AND the only reason they were in the club was because she offered to be the DD.  Then an “eh!  can I borrow your ride?”

Dude who told me that what caught his eye was that my hair was cut straight across my back.  Followed immediately by asking if I knew anyone who could keep a “friends Lexus” safe, preferably in a garage.  No….I didn’t know anyone willing to go down for associating themselves with Grand Theft Auto. #onlyinTacoma

Bachelor #3 said it was better for me that we ended things and he move back to California.  See…he did some testing and turns out he is able to go through with cheating while out of town.  I happen to have already found out about the other woman, by reading the email thread he left open in an email account I didn’t know he had.  Imagine his surprise when he came home and I announced he had two hours to pack everything he could fit in that itty bitty Mazda 5 and GTFO!

Thankfully I got smarter and stopped saying yes to the  diamond.

I took what I learned from all those gut punches, made a list of everything Mr. Right had to have in order to get in the door, and forced my jaded ass out into the community.  I ended up with the love of my life, a $9 Avon Chrystal three stone and one hell of a story.   Beats the pants off dick pics and pick up lines.

Good Luck out there!

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