Shit my dad says

*Mom, it is up to you whether you want to tell Dad about this or not.*

My Dad is so fucking awesome! We have all thought about making a Wikipedia page for him; but no one even knows where to start.  There are hundreds upon hundreds of phrases, chants, poems and pronunciations that we have learned from Dad.  Some are okay to share at school and some are not to ever be share; ESPECIALLY with the neighbor kid. #blabbermouth  Go ahead….ask me how I know 😉

Some get blank stares if the group isn’t as smart as my Dad; while others create such pain in the abs it is necessary to go walk it off.  These are not recommended for churches (#christmastie), ceremonies (#hostfamily) or at family reunions (#THEbook)

Let me share a few of my favorite poems:

When its hot and sticky, that ain’t no time for dunkin dicky.  But when the frost is on the pumpkin, that’s perfect time for dicky dunkin.

Those who write on the shit house walls, roll their shit in little round balls. Those who read these words of whit, eat those little round balls of shit.

Measurements of temperature:

Hotter than a freshly fucked fox in a forest fire.

Cooler than two scoops of Eskimo shit

Hotter than a boiled owl.

Hot and Dusty

and the ever classy  Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra

Answers you will get if you ask him “Why don’t you (insert action)?”

Why don’t chicken’s piss?

Why don’t bird dogs fly?

Why catfish have kittens?

I don’t want to give them all away now.  You’ll have to keep your eyes out for future posts containing such gems as his high school fight song, phrases meant to encourage and some tried and true jokes he likes to pull on restaurant staff.

OH my Papa…to me he is so Won-der-ful XOXOXOXOX Love you dad!




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