You’re outta here….and You’re outta here….

While at Sunday dinner there was talk of spending turkey day, somewhere other than Casa Rents. I shared a great time we had on Anderson Island, and headed to moms desk top, for some examples to send to the committee.

I logged mom out of Facebook so I could send the link to both her and the other decision maker from mine. After sending the link, I scrolled through the lies on my news feed, I went back upstairs to my glass of wine.

This morning I got a text from mom asking me to give her a call. A) it was just after 8 am …and she is NEVER up this early. B) an 8 am request for a call home instantly becomes an emergency.

Turns out a very sleepy AMA was confused when she was looking at “her” timeline. She didn’t know these people. So, since it is ‘like mother like daughter’, she went right to work blocking all the strangers. Before she noticed that the profile picture was NOT of her…I may have lost some friends.

So if anyone has noticed that I am not commenting on your shit….let me know so I can put you back on my page.

FOUR!

Hubz and I started playing Golf a while back. Though we are no good at it, it is something we like to do together. Picture it…the two of us with road sodas in a golf cart…. UNSUPERVISED! hahaha

We’ve met lots of people. Some are there for the course and some are there cause the drinks are cheap. We happen to be a fan of both and some super fun times always happen when we find people brave enough to take us on.

Last week, we met up with a couple for a quick 9 hole game followed by happy hour. It was such a fun game. So many great shots and even more laughter. When we parted ways, the arrangements were that we would connect for a re-match. To my surprise, a week after we last saw them, the plans changed. Seems that though they enjoyed their time with us, they are having second thoughts about another game. Turns out we are not a match skill set wise. Apparently, golf is all they are interested in.

No offer for another game
No offer for meeting up for different/new activity
No mention of ever seeing us again PERIOD

It terrifies me to think that I could have missed out on meeting my husband, if I hid behind this way of thinking. Differences are what makes us unique and worth getting to know. Hubz and I had not one thing in common. Not a hobby, band, book or ANY interests for that matter. He wasn’t anywhere close to the typical boys I had dated. He was a band geek, musician with a squeaky-clean past. I was a hip hop following, bar fly, middle child – with an agenda of my own.

While I agree it wasn’t the best game I have ever played (mainly because one of us forgot to bring clubs) it was a lot of fun to hang out and make new friends. I guess I should feel lucky that it was killed quickly. I have so many flaws, friendship would never reach lift off with people so shallow. Fuck Golf!

You’ve Got Mail!

I got a card from my sister today. She thought of me when she saw a scratch ticket and sent me an update from the 406.

I grabbed my phone to text her that when I opened the card, Hubz gasped “Shit! That’s a lot of words!”…and was instantly appalled that my first instinct was the phone. She took the time to hand-write a note about her day; and I was going to sum it up blip of data, not worthy of being deducted from my monthly allowance.

After that momentary lapse in judgment, I thought to text her the Hubz comment and let her know I would write more later. Why do that? I know myself well enough to know that the minute I say I am going to do something….it is almost immediately crossed off my mental TO-DO list.

I needed to find a card…..I have none so it would be something I would need to pick up during lunch next week. Not a great plan as I have allow myself to run out of TP cause it is something I have to pick up during lunch. Just as suspected, I have been out three times in the last two days (one stop being a place perfect for card selecting) no card. Nor face wipes, which as of this post…I have been out for three days. Thankfully Ama keeps all the toiletries from her hotel travels…and some offer makeup removers 

So it’s been about four days. I still have no card (or TP) and no text. She has no idea if the card made it! I am the worst sister ever. Wait! She reads the blog. Thanks Netty 🙂 I will write soon….if I don’t hit the jackpot on this scratcher.

Dude! Where’s my burger?

Last weekend we met some friends in Fremont for a sushi and bar hopping date night. Knowing them, this was going to be a great night.

We started in a heavy metal bar, with a rainforest type private room. Very weird! Had some drinks and we were off to find this sushi place that had hit the radar recently. Mmmmmm so good! I would love to give them a plug here….but I completely spaced the name.

Had some drinks and a bunch of deliciousness in the ol’ belly; and we were off to see what other trouble we could find for ourselves.

For our last stop we found a whiskey bar that was exactly what we were looking for. Private Booth, servers who know their shit and the tease of them being able to marry us, should we start feeling frisky.

We were there for a few rounds and a TON of laughing. It must have been quite a show for the rest of the place. There have only been a handful of times when I am so caught up in the fun that is happening at my table, that I don’t see another person in the room. Yep….it was one of those nights.

OMG! So fun so fun so fun. We hugged and kissed good bye and went our separate ways. Giggling all the way to the car about how much fun that was. Are you picking up that it was fun yet? Haha

Shortly after I started our drive home, Hubz announces that he is going to need something to eat…STAT! Now that he was sitting in the car, the magnitude of the situation hit him! He was D-R-U-N-K! He is so damn cute when he’s drunk. I never get to see it cause my head is always the one in the toilet 🙂

We stop by Dick Drive in. Iconic, Cheap and OPEN! I ordered 4 hamburgers and a large sprite. Hubby opens and hands me one of my burgers, all wrapped on the bottom so it won’t make a mess; and proceeds to go to town on his own meal. I was only able to get through half, before you get to the part of the burger where you have to flip it over to eat the other half. Too messy plus I was driving. I handed it over to Hubz. Being he was about to pass the fuck out, he asked me what I wanted him to do with it? I told him to just eat it; that I would eat the other one when we got home.

What other one? I ate them all.

(don’t worry I got him back by filming him trying to make it up the stairs at home and sending it to his siblings)

Best part about it? When he was complaining about not feeling great the next morning and he says “I was burping Dicks all night.”

Yeah…that’s what she said!

Mom’s Advice

When someone pisses me off, I have recently learned to pause and think before action. Being it is still such a new concept, I would say I am only about 30% successful 🙂 I’ve never was an honor roll student. My mom always told me that it would help to write a letter with my true feelings, and then tear it up. NEVER SEND IT!

Recently, Hubz and I had an experience that warranted a family meeting. I knew I needed to calm down before I said something I shouldn’t have, so we agreed to give it a few days; when I had had a chance to process the chain of events.

I always have a word document open for just this reason. It doesn’t take long to tell a story, so I like to write it out in real time. If I am not at home, I copy and paste it into an email, send it to my personal email address and do the cleaning and posting in the evening. Since it was a meeting day, and I was having lunch delivered; I decided to skip going home and stay here and type it out.

Once I was finished I thought this would make for a super funny blog post. I could either word it like a letter from a reader looking for advice; or clean it up and be a good story about a shit show of a date night.

Since I do not access the blog site from work I copied and pasted it into an email. Like I have a million times I sent it to an address I have had for over 10 years. Three Minutes later two members of the IT team were at my desk, wondering what I was doing on line. The manager showed me an outgoing email from my computer, which was flagged as mal-ware….and sent to the whole team.

There were two thoughts going through my mind as I sat in the bathroom crying from embarrassment:

1) When will I ever fucking learn
2) I bet they have A LOT of questions 😉

ROAD TRIP!

This was my families preferred method of travel for summer vacations. Weekends, weeks, couple of weeks. Whatever vehicle dad rolled out, we loaded it and took off.

“Like a herd of turtle in a wind storm.” – Dad

My parents have continued to enjoy windshield time well into their retirement. Unfortunately, as we all know, aging isn’t a gentle process. There comes a point when you cannot hold out for an official rest stop. It used to be an option to just pull over and jump out. Then you find yourself wondering if wetting yourself would just be easier.

Ama learned about/ came across some pee pee bags somewhere along the way. If you find yourself on a stretch of highway with not a thing around, and it is too hot to leave the air-conditioned car; just whip one of these gems out and go. As soon as your liquid gold hits the bag, the shit turns to gel. You zip up your fly. You zip up the baggie. You zip back along your way. BRILLIANT!

One Sunday dinner she gave me these blue plastic things and told me that in case there was ever a bathroom emergency in the car, these would come in handy. Cool! I kept them in the car as a way to ward off the small bladder spirits. That seems to haunted me as of lately. Man! If I even allow the “I have to go potty” feeling wait even a nano second, it is an emergency situation. When I feel I gotta go…I Go!

So, when I was woken up from slumber, as I slept in my car parked in a field just a hair more organized than Woodstock, I knew I had to act quickly. The door was locked. I couldn’t find the fob to unlock to car. It was just right…..never mind! Plan B!! I took down the throw blanket “curtain” I hung over the seats to block out light from the windshield and reached for the driver’s door controls. DENIED! I wasn’t going to get out in time. Think man! THINK!!

GASP! THE BAGS!! They were right where I left them; in the netting on the back of the passenger’s seat. I didn’t give a shit if I was putting on a free show. A) It was either now or pee all over my bed/car/ride home. (and it was going to be 90 the next day) B) I had recently learned that it wouldn’t have shocked anyone to see it. This is Woodstock jr….shit like this happens all the time.

I assumed the squatting tiger pee pee dragon pose, did the best I could to cover all bases and hoped for the best.

Success! I sigh a bit of relief….then immediately realized that this was not one of ama’s handy dandy drip and zip numbers. Though my bottom teeth are no longer singing “Anchor’s Away”; I am now holding a blue bag of pee…with no current way to get out of the car.

Girlfriends Code

Whenever I hear a song that reminds me of Jennifer, if I am with someone, I like to tell them the story. That is how I choose to celebrate her life.

Sometimes it was drunk forehead to forehead conversation and other times they are shenanigans worthy of an arrest. I talk about the things we did back in the 90’s that would never fly these days. We didn’t have cell phones we had pagers. We didn’t have voicemail so you had to use codes after you typed in the call back number. Pictures were taken my cameras and you had to pray you got the shot as you waited a week for them to be developed. We didn’t have Tinder; we had Events and Adventures. Your ass had to go out and actually see if you liked the other person rather than just swiping them away. But we still had to party, drink and get laid, so we took care of it OG style

We would go down to the basketball courts at Greenlake to see if we could catch the eye of a young Michael Jordan. Sometimes we would even cruise up and down Rainier Avenue looking for boys to talk to. Jennifer would always get the conversation going by slowly rolling past them in her funky white escort and saying something like “A!” …from the other side of the street. Then whip around if they responded.

Other times we would sit in the Denny’s smoking section for HOURS drink coffee and charring our lungs. Sounds innocent…but it was 1 am on Hwy 99; Best known for hotels by the hour.

DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince’s “Summer time” came on the radio yesterday. I have heard this song 10,000 times but this time, a certain line hit me. “yeah I got on Snesks, but I need a new pair; basketball courts in the summer got girls there.” hahahahaha!!! I was a sunny day, I was in a great mood so I turned to Hubz and began describing our 22-year-old pick up moves. I decided to stay in the car during a lightning fast stop at the bike shop cause I wanted to text the girls about Jennifer.

I picked up my phone and decided that I might not be able to hold it together to send such a long text with emotions ranging from the blissful happiness of the summers gone by to the returned rage for circumstances that took my friends life. So instead I sent my self a text to try to write something later.

That is when Salt n Pepper’s SHOOP came on. I absolutely lost it. Ugly face cry. Gasps for air. Trying to hold it together white I hunted for something to catch the tsunami of tears that seemed to come out of nowhere. Half smiling and half choking on my tears…I remembered one evening at Jen’s Studio:

Despite our recent tutorial, Jennifer and I rolled the most obnoxious joint as a pre-funk to the prank phone calls we were about to make and this song came on the radio. Our attention immediately turned to the thought process that must have gone into creating the lyrics to this song. It probably went something like
Salt: Let’s put a gun in the song

Pepper: Sounds good. What kind

Salt: OOOOH a shot gun.

Pepper: That’s dope! And we’ll fire that shit off.

Salt: I got it… I got it…. “like a shot gun, Bang!”

Pepper: and they be all “what’s up that thang?”

It may not seem funny now, but we were laughing so hard our sides hurt. Jennifer bent over and put her head on the table. Her next thought was “my head is so big. If I was a did crack , my body would be so skinny, I wouldn’t be able to hold my head up.”

Oh my god I miss the hell out of you girl!